|
crystalhahn
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Crystal
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Amarillo
Birthday: 10/30/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: Knowing my Father's voice and loving Him more everyday. Laughing with my husband Andrew and learning from his incredible heart. Hanging out with friends and missing the friends I don't get to see much.
Expertise: Not really anything- I love people and I love making people smile.
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/22/2005
|
|
| 
In the last few weeks Andrew and I have been embracing
newness. Andrew is now teaching 9th-12th grade and I am teaching
K-4th. This is quite a different world for both of us, but a true
learning experience. I am very proud of Andrew and I have
complete confidence that he is shaping the lives of his students with
the passion and love of Jesus and I truly wish that I could learn under
his influence.
A couple of weeks ago a
friend prophesied over my life that love is patient. Like many of you, I had heard this verse many
times, but it has never been such a sustaining pillar as now.
I
am working with special needs students. These students have
extreme disabilities. For an example, my first day consisted of me
walking in and meeting a little boy who seemed to be normal. In a
matter of seconds he began
throwing himself against the wall and screaming, kicking and biting
himself. Then a girl, began to cry and hit me
uncontrollably, while another child spun anything that he could get his
hands on. Honestly, my first thought was oh my
goodness, what have I gotten myself into. And then I felt like I
had a simple solution, these children need deliverance. I know it
sounds funny, but that's what it looked like through my vision.
It's not
like that at all. The hardest thing to grasp is that these children mentally cannot control what they
do. My mind says that they need discipline, but in all actuality
they are trying their best to communicate, but their mind chooses
different ways to get their point across.
So we have 5 autistic
children, 3 who are in wheelchairs and 6 who are mentally
retarded. That's 14 students who in our world have huge problems,
but the more time I spend with these kids the more I can see Jesus in
their eyes. I truly believe that they have such a beautiful
relationship with our God. Sometimes they will be crying
and then something will catch their gaze and they will stop and almost
simultaneously a smile will come across their face. At those
moments, I can just sense the Holy Spirit and I
know that either Jesus himself is being their comfort or angels
from
heaven come to sit with them. I count it an honor to be with
these kids. I feel God pouring His love over me daily, so I can
pour it upon them. I am learning deep lessons of compassion and
understanding. My prayer is that God will give me strength to
love unconditionally and patiently. I desire to see past what is right in front of me and see into the depths of each child, I want to see what the Creator sees.
| | |
| 
Do
you ever feel like you are so close to having something in your grasp,
but then you don't ever seem to find the footing to take hold. I
have been finding myself in this state quite often it seems.
One day I will feel an
overwhelming sense of God and His desires for me, then the next day
somehow a whirlwind of "who am I" sets in. All of the sudden I
am trapped in a sate of comparison. I wish I was more like her,
I wish I could do this, if only I had this. In this state, I find
my mind constantly fighting confusion and distraction.
Then, almost simultaneously I find myself slipping in and out of apathy.
In the middle of it all, there is a pull deep inside to be focused,
determined, disciplined, to see and reach the goals before
me. There seems to be something keeping me from it, an invisible
wall or is that wall me.
At this point, I want to throw up my hands and scream, but
then when I am at the peak of frustration, I am suddenly soothed with a
quiet peace and a beautiful voice saying, rest in me.
Rest - what a crazy thought in
a time like this, but so ironically, in the middle of my desperate search
to understand, I find truth in the fact that I cannot conjure up this
walk. I cannot figure it all out. Sometimes this is so hard
for me. I feel like I should have the answers and that by now in
my "Christian walk" I should definitely have it somewhat mastered. I am
figuring out that I am at rest most, when I accept I am weak.
There is
such power in my weakness. A power that my flesh never wants to
admit, but once uttered, a release of my humanity takes place and an
obvious need for a Savior consumes my soul. Daily I focus on what
lies upon my grasp- just on the other side. In the past I relied on
my abilities and strengths to have a sense of direction and purpose,
now I find freedom in my fears, doubts and confusions. I am
weak, I fail, but what's so wonderful is that I can just fall and
land in my Father's arms and rest. It's a true rest because I
find myself abandoning my preconceived ideas and taking hold of Jesus who shatters my
perceptions and takes me to the other side.
| | |
| SO
I know it's been awhile, but my life has been kind of crazy
lately. As most of you know I was laid off at my last job due to
finances. It was a non-profit so I can't really complain. I
have been working the night shift at our church in the housekeeping
department. They were so nice to let me work until I found a
job. Well, I found one- yeah! I will be working at an
elementary school with the special education students. I am so
excited.
Outside of work God is teaching me many things. I love the
moments when your just living life and God speaks volumes through
something like a flower or a cloud. I love the moments when your
standing in a church worshiping and there are no words being sung and
no one coarsing you to do anything, a moment of silence, and tears
begin to stream down your face because of the Lord's presence. Or
the times you are just hanging out with your husband cracking up,
holding your side cause its so funny, and he looks at you in such a way
that you know he is head over heals for you. The gift of love is
so beautiful. God is so wonderful and I thank Him for loving me and
teaching me more about Him and His kingdom. What a great time to
be alive!
| | |
| Do you ever feel like your world is spinning out of control and you want to just be right there upset and frustrated at it all, but something deep inside of you holds you back and will not let you be without peace. This something is the beauty of our God. I love the fact that when life seems crazy and formless, God sees everything and desires us to be right in the middle of it because we are forced to constantly fall back in his arms and face the whole trust issue. I say I trust God and find myself more times than not without any tangible evidence.
Today is one of those days- Monday a regular day and a day I did not see coming. Well I walked in and my boss called me into her office and said that the ministry is going through some financial difficulty and because we do not have enough traffic they have decided to forfeit my particular job. Ok, so if any of you are like me you find yourself saying oh that's fine, God always takes care of me. Yes, I believe this, and yes, I even know this but sometimes you are so weak in your doubt of who God really is. So today I covet your prayers. I have an overwhelming sense that God has a divine destiny and He is working out everything, but I also feel the anxiety of our bills. Please pray for God to give me wisdom in what to pursue as an occupation and that when discouragement creeps in I will be able to keep my mind on Christ and his purposes for my life. | | |
|
